It's been 6 months...

Oh my goodness, time seems to be going by so fast! Hannah has been home for 6 months and is 19 months old. Crazy. We are so thankful to the Giver of life for many things that have happened around here in the last few months. Hannah's surgery went well and she is fully recovered and healed. I looked in her mouth the other day and her palate looks great, like most people probably wouldn't be able to tell it was surgically repaired. The recovery process was ROUGH the first 2 weeks due to pain and discomfort, which interfered with her eating. And she loves to eat. She would put a bite in her mouth and tears would stream down her face, so she'd spit it out then repeat. It was so hard to watch. It also caused a setback with her sleeping at night and we had a few weeks of lots of waking up during the night. But that has started to get better again, thank goodness. Now that her palate is closed she is able to suck from straws and use sippy cups that have the valves in them. She is also making all sorts of sounds she couldn't before, like smacking he and buzzing her lips. She makes the s and sh sounds now, which I totally didn't expect. We are working on p and b sounds with her private speech therapist, a.k.a. mama. She likes to point out if I have a zit and tries to say "bump", which is great practice for our target sounds : )
Throughout her recovery I often thought of Psalm 139 and how fearfully and wonderfully made we are, especially when I watched Hannah basically relearn how to drink and eat in like 4 hours. And then I listened to David Platt preach on this passage in a sermon about unborn children and abortion. I was listening driving in my car as he talked about the Creator "knitting us together in our mother's womb", and being "intricately woven together by Him". As I listened I caught a glimpse in my rear view mirror of my beautiful, happy daughter dancing to yo gabba gabba and was just overwhelmed with tears and thanksgiving. Oh how I wish I could hug tight her birth mother for choosing life for this girl! And when I think about God knitting her together I love that He made her cleft lip and palate. Because to many this is an imperfection, it is her "special need", but to God it is part of a perfect plan "written in His book the days that were formed for us when yet there were none of them "(v. 16) You see, Jason and I checked the box that cleft lip and palate was a need we were open to on our application. We both knew in our hearts the daughter we adopted would have cleft lip and palate.  When we saw her picture and description just a little over a year ago, her "special need" is one of the reasons we pursued adopting her and because of our backgrounds also part of why we were chosen to be her family. And so in my tiny, finite mind I imagine God forming her and as He left those muscles in her mouth and lip unjoined He knew the role her little "imperfection" would play in creating our family as He had ordained. Looking back at all the details and steps that God ordained to create our family reminds me of the sovereignty of God when sometimes my faith is weak.
One of the most awesome things that has happened in the last 6 months is that we have experienced our daughter go from moody and just tolerant of us, to trusting that we would care for her, to liking us, to truly loving us. Yes, I can tell that she loves us now and it is a wonderful feeling. I can tell by the way she looks at us, the way she hugs and kisses us, the way she lets me hold her and just rests her head on my shoulder, the way her eyes light up when daddy comes home, the way she yells "MAMA" when she can't find me. I finally got to finish the new Greys just a few minutes ago and while I don't usually relate to much on that show, the final quote from Meredith actually spoke quite loudly to me. She said "you think that true love is the only thing that can crush your heart, the thing that will take your life and light it up, or destroy it. Then, you become a mother." So true!
Another praise is that I have been cancer free for 2 years! I had an MRI a month or so ago and it came back normal. Yay! And lastly, if you read my last post about some prayer requests in the adoption world, lots of families got news in the last month. Korea approved some families for EP. The Comptons have heard that their case is being worked on, the Hepinstals received their travel call, and the Bices are coming home from Korea with their daughter tonight. It will be our first airport party and we our pumped!! Welcome home Daria!
Random pictures:

Decided last week that she needed a paci. Has never wanted it before, maybe its because of her new mouth situation. But she is serious about it!

After a morning at gymboree class.

On the one year anniversary of being matched as family. She's holding her referral picture.

Roll Tide!

Daddy took Hannah to meet Yo Gabba at ToysRus

Loves bathrobes. For me and her.



Flipped the Kai Lan car. First wreck, no injuries.



 Love,
Liz

Praying for Adoption

I know this is very last minute but if anyone reads this and would like to join myself and many of the parents on our adoption agency's online forum in fasting and praying for adoption tomorrow please do so! Whether you can actually fast something (you know people sometimes fast just one thing like sweets or diet coke or just one meal or facebook : )) or can just say a prayer on behalf of so many families who are simply stuck in adoption limbo right now it would be awesome. This has been on my heart for quite some time as the adoption situation in S Korea has slowed to almost no approvals of children's visas in the last 3 months. So these are babies who have been matched with families but not approved to travel. The Ministry only allows so many visas per year which only increases the wait times for families and babies to be united. Thus creating a backlog each year that is growing larger and larger. It used to be a 4-6 month wait to travel. We waited 8 months and families are now waiting even longer. So instead of babies coming home these kids are now toddlers and the foster families are raising the children for much longer, which makes the separation even harder on the foster parents and the children. Plus if children used to stay in a foster family for 9 months and are now staying until 16-18 months it is preventing another baby from being in a foster home and therefore being placed in a group home setting.So my prayer is for a dramatic change in the heart of someone in the Ministry that would allow for more visas approved and for quick travel for the waiting famlies.  Please pray for these families, the babies, the Korean government, and the foster families.
Not only have things slowed in Korea but it seems like other countries are as well. Would you also pray for these families: Rob and Kathy Compton whose son is waiting in a country in Africa while adoption is on hold as they examine laws, the Hepinstals who are waiting to travel for their sons (not going to mention the country for privacy), Sonia and Brandon Bice who have been waiting for Daria in S. Korea since last October, Polly and Shaun Bice who are waiting on a referral from Ethiopia- another country where things have slowed and babies are becoming older at referral and staying in orphanages for longer, Malerie and Kevin Huguley who are waiting on a referral from S Korea, and I'm sure I'm  forgetting others that I know.  This process is so dificult and it seems like adoption in general is getting harder and harder. One of the hard parts is feeling called by God to go down this path but then facing so many road blocks along the way. We know God is sovreign yet it can sometimes make us doubt if we are doing the right thing or why He allows the trials when we are trying to be obedient. I sometimes wonder if we are like the Israelites--their disobedience often resulted in a much more difficult path than timely obedience would have. Did our (the Church) delayed obedience to God's Word that commands us to look after those who cannot look after themselves cause this? (And maybe I just mean me, because I know I need to repent for my delayed response to these commands) Is it the natural consequence for our sin and complacency? Did it give the enemy more time to create strong foot hold's in these countries? I don't know, but I do know that it increases our dependency on God becuase He is the only one who has power over these governments. And that is why I believe prayer is so important in these situations because it is the only power we have.  I believe He is pleased when we sacrifice, pray, and seek things that we definitely know are His will: to place the lonely in families. So please pray, whether its a little or alot it will add to the petitons that will be sent up tomorrow (August 1st) on behalf of these children and families. Thank you for reading and praying! I hope this makes sense as I don't have time to proof and edit because I keep waking Hannah up with my typing and this is what an angry Korean princess looks like:

Seriously, would you want to mess with her?
Thankfully most of the time she looks like this:

Love,
Liz

Summer Girl

We are having such a fun summer around here! Hannah is growing and becoming such a toddler. It is amazing how much she has changed from this pic taken our first weekend home:

to this walking, running, talking, singing, sassy 17 month old:

Yep little miss started walking the night before I turned 30 and hasn't slowed down since! She loves the water and we have gone to a few splash parks that just bring her pure joy.

My mom and I took her to one in Gardendale this morning that was really cool (and she has been asleep for over 2 hours now which is always a good thing!)
We spend a lot of time playing in the water in the driveway. She's surveying the situation:

                                         learning to drink out of the hose:

Hannah attached to me more so at first, likely because I'm staying home with her and cosleeping with her, etc. But in the last month or so she has had a surge in Daddy attachment and loves her some Daddy. She cries when he leaves, sometimes needs him to come lay down at nighttime, and runs to him to hug him all day long.  I thought at first I might be jealous but the look on her face when she hears Daddy come in the door just makes me love them both more. Last week I left them home alone together for the first time and when I came back I found them sitting on the couch watching Yo Gabba Gabba:

Notice that Hannah is wearing a pair of underwear and my nike running shorts around her like a sash.  She also had green and yellow highlighter marker all over her. And I have no idea why Jason has an oven mitt on his leg. So it looks like they had a good time : )  People ask me a lot how she is doing with English.
Hannah is trying to say SO MANY words. Because of her cleft palate she cannot build up the pressure in her mouth to make most consonants and the air /sound comes out of her nose. Therefore many of the things she says are made up of the sounds m,n,g,k, and h. I can understand them from being around her and knowing the context. So the good thing is her language is doing great! Her speech sound formation will hopefully be improved once her palate is repaired and the muscles begin to function. She understands lots and lots and follows many simple directions. Here are some of the words she is saying followed by what it actually sounds like when she says it: "night,night" (ni-ni), "daddy" (aaa-eee), "apple" (a-ul), "apple juice" (a-ul with a sneezing like sound afterwards), "pizza" (ee-na), "home", "more" (muh), "uhoh", "oh no", "eye" (with the long north alabma /i/ sound that she's picking up from her mama, haha), "nose" (no), "hannah" (anah), "love you" (uh oo), "bye" (eye), "poo poo" (moo moo), "hey", and "hi". Those are the main ones I can understand. She tries to repeat lots of things too but those are the words she will say on her own. She is also still using her baby signs. I never knew one could give such feeling and attitude while baby signing but that's happening on a daily basis. For instance, if I have not given her more of her snack fast enough she bangs her little fists together (the sign for more) with such force or will sling her arms back and forth for all done if she's ready to get up from her high chair, or if any kind of food is mentioned she gives the "eat" sign with major enthusiasm like she's going to jam her finger down her throat.  She knows her body parts. Her uncle Michael taught her how to wink and now she winks at me while I change her diaper which cracks me up. So that is a little summary of what HB's doing. She has become quite the little cuddle bug. When she first came home she definitely had boundaries for us getting too close to her face or sitting in our laps for no reason. Then she slowly started allowing kisses that first month or two. Then she began to give kisses and hugs and now it is so awesome to see her actively seeking out affection and closeness from us. She will grab me around the neck to pull my face to where are noses are touching when we lay down at night or just come and sit in my lap to cuddle and give me and her daddy kisses. It almost makes me cry every time she does it. She still does not sleep through the night, which has been tough, but we are making baby step improvements and focusing on the small successes. I think this has to be one of the greatest joys as an adoptive parent, to see your child heal and trust and enjoy those milestones and successes that would not otherwise be celebrated. We are getting close to her palate repair surgery, August 3rd. Please pray for Hannah, that she has a quick recovery and successful repair, and that it does not hurt her trust and bond with us. Please pray for me as well as I try to not be anxious and trust God with her surgery, just as I had been able to do when I thought she would have it in Korea. So there's a little summary on our little summer girl, and here's some more pics just because she's so cute:

Petting a goat at the zoo.

Picking peaches with Daddy on our peach trees!

Sleepy morning face

Scaring the crap out of me because she had to be so close to rails. Jason checked them all to make sure they weren't loose.

Looking for a late night snack after Daddy's work party.

First ponytail!!

Happy, smiley girl!

So much to say...

so little time! I know it has been awhile since I posted and I need to do better because I want Hannah to be able to look back on this one day as a journal of her milestones and adjustment. I actually wrote half of an update at our one month home mark but never finished it. When I went back and read what I wrote it was cool to see how things have gotten better in the weeks since then. It seems like we have all been able to breathe again in the last few weeks and have turned a corner for the better. The first 4-5 weeks were pretty tough as Hannah not only was grieving and trying to adjust but also teething 3 giant molars (still waiting on # 4), had a terrible ear infection (she is getting tubes on monday) and a fever virus. Not to mention all the extra stressful doctors appointments that seemed to never go as planned, like the 20 minutes of drawing blood from both of her little arms and the attempt to catheterize her to get a urine sample. She is such a tough little girl though and very strong (just ask the 3 nurses that tried to hold her down to draw blood). Those doctors' appointments did result in trips to Yogurt Mountain and so she quickly recovered from the trauma.

The most amazing thing that I can't get over is how much personality little miss has! I spent 8 months staring at pictures of her and trying to imagine her personality.  We now know that Hannah tends to do a Victoria Beckham impression when she knows she is being photographed and gives a look like "why are you taking my picture?". So from the pictures I had I often wondered if she would be shy or timid, maybe soft spoken and unsure of herself and the world. HA! I never could have imagined the personality in her! She is so funny, animated, feisty, loud, silly, and assertive (our social worker came up with this word at our 1 month placement visit when I asked him of a positive way to say "a little bossy : )" ) Jason and I are so in love with her. In the last 2 weeks she has started being very affectionate and she gives the best hugs. I love the way she hugs me when she lays on me to take a nap, she squeezes so hard and grunts like she's giving it her all. I love her facial expressions and how she tries to imitate every sound we make (a speech therapists' dream). She says a few words that we can understand like "nak" for "snack" (girl loves to eat and has gone from being fed mostly formula with little oral control of food to chomping on crackers and chicken nuggets!), "muh-eh" when she yells at our dog mullet, "home", "hot", and "eye" for ice. She also baby signs "more", "eat", "all done", and "pretty". She is one smart little girl! She entertains me all day and loves being the center of attention. When we lay down to sleep she knows she can make silly noises and babble in funny voices to make me laugh.She fake sneezes so we will "bless her" and she still "bows" her head to greet people like they do in Korea. Both of which are the cutest things ever. I love her gorgeous smile. And her hands are so sweet and soft, I stared at those hands in her referral pictures wondering how they would feel and I still get teary when I realize I am actually holding them now. She does not like to be told "no" (no one does really) and she has definitely started to test me when I tell her no. Daytime is great but nighttime is still hard. Sleep seems to be our biggest struggle. She doesn't scream and cry but either fights sleep or just can't get to sleep. Then she wakes at least

twice during the night and needs a bottle, loved on, or carried in the carrier to get back to sleep. At least she is not screaming for 30 minutes to an hour every time I try to get her back to sleep or put her down. That was a very frustrating time for this mama during which I learned that as much as I loved her I had to pray for the Holy Spirit to take over so that I could act "loving" at 230 in the morning when I was frustrated and nothing seemed to work to soothe her. So while I am not able to spend much time studying the Bible right now He is still using this season to teach me reliance on Him and a thing or two about what it really looks like to love like Christ loves. Anyways... that's us...come visit and get a taste of little miss personality for yourself! And now what you really want to see:






Pretty girl giving her Posh face for the camera.



She walks holding our hands and furniture but has only taken a few steps on her own.

One of her many silly faces!

Nighttime meltdown.

Hiding from us! She has gotten much more adventurous and will venture into the next room on her own instead of being stuck to my hip. This is a good sign she is more comfortable and feeling secure. (I don't know why these are not rotated right)

Loves to swim!

Lunch with Zoey! She was united with her family one day before we got Hannah. They were born only a few days apart, both lived in Seoul, and now both live in Alabama.

We finally got a picture that captures Hannah's personality and the little ball of energy that she is!

Oh, one more thing, Hannah is scheduled to have her palate repaired on August 3rd. Please pray that she is ready and not traumatized by the process and for a smooth recovery! 

Love,

Liz 

2 Weeks Together

We have had Hannah for 2 weeks now and there are moments when I am still in awe that I get to be her mother and moments that feel like we've always been together. I am definitely feeling "motherly" and I have done all those disgusting things I have seen mothers do but never thought I would. Like tasting baby food, examining poop, being spit up on right in the face, wiping drool, food, and snot with my bare hands, the list goes on and on. I have always wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl. I could play "mommy" and "family" for hours and hours. I had an inside family of dolls and an outside family of invisible children (6) and between different trees were the rooms in my "house". I always knew my mom loved being a mother, even though we got in trouble and I'm sure we were frustrating to deal with at times (especially high school). And so I think she made being a mother look fun which is why I thought it was the funnest thing to play. I think about that when Hannah and I are playing together or when I'm trying to get her to nap and she is fighting it. Because there are times when I am frustrated and I feel like I can't make her happy and I am failing her but I pray that I can show that I love being her mother. And I really do. We were prepared during some of our adoption education that we may not feel an instant bond or that we may feel like we are babysitting and that if we did it was normal. And if we had felt like that it would have been okay. But Jason and I have talked about how we feel like she is ours and we feel just overwhelming love for her and did almost immediately. And even when I am exhausted at night and I haven't been able to sit her down for a second (not even to shower or pee), I look over at her and miss her being awake and stuck to my hip. Just to be clear though, this is the HARDEST thing I have ever done and I have cried plenty of tears with Hannah! I don't want to make it sound like magic and fairy dust. I have never been so tired at the end of the day and never felt so rewarded yet so incompetent. This week has been an improvement from last week. Hannah is much happier and more relaxed with us. The moodiness has subsided a great deal and she is definitely attaching to us. We have had to move upstairs into her room at night because she was moving all over the bed and she actually climbed over me and fell off a few nights ago. So we have her on her crib mattress in the floor and a full size mattress pushed against it for us. It seems to be a much better (safer) sleeping situation. Trial and error I guess! She is definitely teaching me to let go of my plans and expectations for each day. The day goes so much smoother when I just relax and follow her lead for things like what time to take a nap or if she finishes her bottle. So that is an update on us! I am also posting a youtube video of our journey to Hannah. Our sweet friend Rob Compton made this for us and we will never be able to thank him enough. He had this done before my suitcases were even unpacked. The pictures of Hannah in the first half are her with her wonderful foster family. You can tell how much they loved and cared for her. They gave us 2 cds full of pictures and they also gave us the "hanbok" ,which is the traditional Korean dress, that Hannah was wearing on her first birthday in the pictures. It is such a treasure to be able to show her pictures and people from her life before she was with us. There is also the video of our first meeting with Hannah. Normally you sit in a room and wait until the social worker brings in the foster family and child (which would have been like 30 minutes of pure anxiety). But when we got out of our cab there was Hannah and her foster mother on the front steps of the agency and her foster father was videoing them waiting to meet us! I was completely taken off guard and luckily Jason had sense enough to start videoing. The unexpected meeting took all the nerves away though and it was a sweet gift from the Lord. I will never forget how she stuck her little pointer finger out and touched mine. I hope you enjoy the video. Oh...you will also notice that my hair is a different color in the first half and kind of scary looking. Those were the dark days of waiting with no end in sight and apparently my hair reflected my mood.
Here it is:

I hope to post about our plane ride soon and some new pics of us at home.

Love, Liz

Pictures...



Daddy and Hannah Bae



Getting ready for my first outing in Seoul. We were about to walk out the door when it hit me that I had to like pack a diaper bag and carry it.

She loved riding in the carrier and looking at everyone.

She does these pouty lips a lot and it melts my heart!

Family of 3 out and about!

She fell asleep on the walk back to the hotel and we were so scared to wake her up so we just left her in the carrier.

First attempt at baby food...we were both a mess.

The baby food mess lead to her first bath. She loves baths!

All packed up and ready to go to the airport.

On the way to the airport. It was emotional to think of all she was leaving behind but also exciting to think of what was ahead (well not the plane ride, but what was after that).

All smiles and play while waiting to board the plane. Unfortunately this mood didn't last!

Homecoming party got moved to Atlanta because of our delayed flight.

Playing in her room on the first night home.